111+ Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think

If you are looking for funny confusing quotes? You have come to the right place. Here is the collection of the best funny confusing quotes that make you think twice and inspire.

While numerous things are unsure throughout everyday life, one sure thing is you can hope to be confusing a ton of the time. These funny confusing quotes will motivate you. Check out the following funny confusing statements or funny confusing quotes that make you think twice.

Inspiring Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

1. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. - Bernard Baruch

2. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln

3. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. - Denis Waitley

4. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres

5. A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. - Don Marquis

6. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. - Ashleigh Brilliant

7. A woman is like a tea bag -- you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

8. Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

9. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. - Lawrence Ferlinghetti

10. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

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11. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. - Josh Billings

12. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields

13. The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin

14. As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. - Dick Cavett

15. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White

16. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix

17. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! - Billy Connolly

18. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. - Douglas Adams

19. If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. - Chuck Palahniuk

Famous Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think

20. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln

21. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss

22. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

23. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

24. Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin

25. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain

26. Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. - Mae West

27. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. - E. B. White

28. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. - Benjamin Franklin

29. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. - Dalai Lama

30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde

31. If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. - Hillary Clinton

32. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. - Albert Camus

33. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. - Albert Einstein

34. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. - Dale Carnegie

35. People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend it daily. - Zig Ziglar

Funny Confusing Quotes About Life Lessons

36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. - Alan Dundes

37. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

38. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

39. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. - Bill Vaughan

40. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. - John Hughes

41. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. - Mark Twain

42. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. - Cullen Hightower

43. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

44. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

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45. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. - Navjot Singh Sidhu

46. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. - Billy Wilder

47. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

48. Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you. - Jeffree Star

49. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

50. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

51. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - François de La Rochefoucauld

52. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - George Carlin

53. If you can’t live without me, why aren't you dead already? - Cynthia Heimel

54. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. - Bob Hope

Deep Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

55. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

56. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. - Bertrand Russell

57. Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most. - Ozzy Osbourne

58. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. - Dave Barry

59. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. - Bill Maher

60. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

61. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison

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62. The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

63. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

64. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen

65. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers

66. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde

67. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - George Carlin

68. Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. - David Letterman

69. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

70. Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

Short Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

71. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right. - Ashleigh Brilliant

72. He who laughs last didn't get the joke. - Charles de Gaulle

73. I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde

74. Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. - Jessica Simpson

75. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russell

76. I’m too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

77. Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. - Voltaire

78. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

79. If you’re going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

80. Life is hard; it’s harder if you're stupid. - John Wayne

81. I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. - Arthur C. Clarke

82. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. - Charlton Heston

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83. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. - W. C. Fields

84. To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. - Doug Larson

85. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. - Bryan White

Wise Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice

86. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein

87. Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

88. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

89. The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

90. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

91. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Miles Kington

92. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

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93. An intelligent woman is a woman with whom one can be as stupid as one wants. - Paul Valéry

94. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. - Laurence J. Peter, Funny confusing quotes that make you think

95. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

96. The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he. - Karl Kraus

97. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

98. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. - Earl Wilson

99. Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. - Daniel J. Boorstin

100. If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan

Funny Confusing Sentences That Make No Sense

101. An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

102. A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know. - Laurence J. Peter

103. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. - Mitch Hedberg

104. All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover, Funny confusing quotes that make you think

105. The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going. - Reinhard Bonnke

106. The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison

107. I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. - Mark Twain

108. Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Thurber

109. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle

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110. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

111. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

112. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul R. Ehrlich

113. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips

114. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

115. You’re only as good as your last haircut. - Fran Lebowitz

116. Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female. - Desmond Morris

117. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

118. Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. - Doug Larson


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